Christmas

Christmas usually passes in a flurry of activities but this year was even more different than any Christmas I have experienced so far.
David was still working on December 24th, which is our main holiday, and didn't come home till 10pm that evening. I had spent all of the 23rd shopping in the city and picking up my Parents-in-law with Elliot. We got back at 1 pm on the 24th. I think I have never felt so unprepared for Christmas. I didn't even decide what we were going to eat for our Christmas Dinner till the morning of the 25th and then it all took a lot longer to prepare then I had anticipated.
Plus, I was sick, we all were, and so everything was a lot more tiring and exhausting than usual.

Nevertheless, this Christmas was special in other ways.

I found it ironic to suddenly be bombarded with Christmas decorations, trees, Santa Clauses and music in all of the shopping malls in the city of our neighboring country where I went shopping. A Buddhist country with many devout Buddhist believers and a monarchy in which the King and Queen are regarded with the utmost respect, almost worshiped, it was weird to hear "Joy to the world" playing in the department store:
"Joy to the world, the Lord has come. Let earth receive her KING."

Then coming back home to another Buddhist country where people think that Christmas and New Year are synonyms and where they put up Christmas trees after Christmas. Sunday evening we were invited to some friends' house. They had invited all their Buddhist friends for a Christmas party and some local believers put on a nativity play. It was fun to see how people responded with laughter to the anguish that Mary and Joseph must have gone through when Mary was told that she would be with child and Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant. Maybe, because many could relate?

But what really touched me was seeing the believers doing a dance to "O come all ye faithful", to see them worshiping Jesus, the risen Christ, the King of Kings, Immanuel in difficult circumstances where their faith could really cost them their lives was amazing.

I hope and pray that many more will receive Christ as their King this coming year, here as well as next door!

On a lighter note, I've been amazed to realize how big my boys have become. Elliot is walking now, still a bit unstable but he's determined and gets back up on his feet whenever he falls over. And Dylan is a real boy now. Recently, I cut his toe nails and finger nails and was astounded at how big they have become...

This is the first year that Dylan consciously celebrated Christmas. He learned a few Christmas songs at school and loved receiving gifts. He wishes that would continue on so now he's looking forward to his birthday and more gifts. :)

So even though Christmas was hectic and exhausting and tiring, I'm thankful for the gift of Jesus and that we have reason to celebrate!

powercuts and puking boys

We've had 13 hour power cuts these last days and whenever the lights come back on in the evening I am so excited! And grateful that we have electricity almost all the time with just random cuts every once in a while. It's amazing how dependent I am on electricity for so many little things and how my daily life gets so disrupted when the power goes off.

Other than that we have been dealing with queasy tummys since Sunday. We assume it must be something we ate. The boys started threw up all Monday evening and into the night. David camped out on a mattress on the floor of the boys' room with Dylan while I camped out on the floor of our living room with Elliot. David and I both just had queasy stomachs and I am so glad we did not have to vomit ourselves. That would have been a lot worse.

Dylan was much better on Tuesday and went back to Pre School today though he did complain of a tummy ache this evening. Just hope we don't have another night like Monday. And Elliot has had a temperature and been whiny all day. But maybe it's just due to more teeth coming. I'm glad I feel lots better.

Tomorrow David leaves for meetings and will be gone till Sunday afternoon. I'm bracing myselfs for these days without him though I'll have support this time round as our intern will be staying with me and helping me with the boys. This, too, I am thankful for.

The weather has gotten REAL cold and with our Christmas tree and Christmas decorations up it does feel Christmasy, at least at home. I still marvel when I meet people who have never even heard of Christmas, even in our touristy town. A few weeks ago I went to the paper shop to buy some paper to cut out starts and the shopkeeper asked me what I was using it for. I said "Christmas" and he said "Oh, birthday." And I said "No, for Christmas!". And he said "Oh, happy new year". So that's what we settled on...

David's parents and sister are coming for Christmas which will be fun. And I get to go on a trip with Elliot to pick them up from the airport and that, too, I am looking forward to.

So there are many things to be thankful for. Even though I've had my usual ups and down these past few weeks I feel I am nevertheless content with life at the moment. Sure, there are areas in which I am not completely satisfied and that I wish I could change. But all in all I am thankful to be where I am even if it means spending an uncomfortable night with two puking boys.

This must be my third attempt at writing. I'm either interrupted by my boys needing something or waking up from naps or from my scattered thoughts that I can't seem to gather and get a hold of these days...

Elliot is now one year and 9 days old and is gradually outgrowing his Babyphase. Even though he still refuses to walk or even stand (even though he could) he has become increasingly mobile, climbing on and over furniture, up and down stairs, trying to climb out of his high chair or get on and off our bed. It's fun to see how he communicates and mimicks all we say and do. Like Dylan, he loves to dance and whenever there's music - a CD playing, a cellphone jingling, on TV or someone playing the guitar - he immediatley starts bobbing his head and moving his body to the beat. Dylan and Elliot have started dancing together and it's so much fun watching the two of them and the joy they have in music. Maybe we'll be able to start a family band some day. :)

Dylan is enjoying Pre School and learning new things daily. It's fun to hear him sing songs he's learned at school and recently he told me the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. Both he and I were excited when I finally understood what he was telling me about! And the funniest thing on Elliot's birthday was Dylan who started singing "Happy Birthday" the way they do it here with lots of clapping of hands! He didn't know the song before so he must have learned it at school, too.

Last week, I had some days of self doubt as I was confronted with some of my weaknesses in dealing with people. For a few days I felt like a total failure concerning my people skills and withdrew into my own little world, not daring to venture forth into community again. But a date with my husband helped me see it all from a different perspective and that gave me the courage to try it once again. There's nothing like people to help us face up to the truth about ourselves - both the good and bad.

happy birthday Elliot

Elliot just a few days old with my mom (Sorry, can't turn the picture..)

Dylan and Elliot looking at Elliot's new book

His first taste of birthday cake

I'm one!

My Baby turned one last Monday! I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by! It seems like yesterday that he was just a few days old and now he's almost walking and climbing all over the place. Happy Birthday, my little guy!

what's up?

It's been a while since I've had the time to update this blog. We were gone for about 10 days in October and attended a conference in the neighboring country. To save money, we decided to drive South to the capital and then take a budget airline to our final destination. The trip usually takes about 8 hours but we always seem to end up taking that much longer!
We had planned to leave at 4 am but David took three attempts to really wake up so we left 45 minutes later. The drive is beautiful along mountain roads, through villages and I'm always amazed at the huge diversity of this country. Somewhere along the way, our car started overheating though and we had to stop numerous times to let the engine cool down and to refill the water. We are so thankful that the car never stopped in the middle of nowhere but wherever there was water and helpers nearby.
After 16 1/2 hours we finally arrived and were looking forward to a bed. But the boys, after spending all day in a car, went berserk and had a wild round of wrestling and jumping around our bed. :)
The conference was encouraging and I was reminded once again why I am here and that our presence is vital. The speaker shared the story of a lady in Central Asia who stayed with a local family as her husband was out of town. The daughter of the family came running up to her and said: "Last night I dreamed of Jesus." And so they spent the rest of the evening talking about Jesus. The next morning the father said:"You didn't know you'd be coming to our house, we didn't know you were coming but Jesus knew and so he sent the dream to my daughter." Would the dream have come without the messenger? What do you think?
Our presence is vital.
The trip back took longer than 8 hours, too, as we passed a family we knew on the way who had just had an accident. So we stopped to help. By the time we resumed our journey it was already growing dark so the last few hours were spent in total darkness along windy mountain roads...Not the best conditions. But we stopped on the way to look at a brilliant sky full of stars. Amazingly clear view of the Milky Way. So beautiful!

Now we're back to our routine of teaching English and Pre School and daily ordinary life. Trying to save all the neighborhood chickens that stray into our yard from Jacob, our dog. Trying to keep the boys happy. And trying to dry our laundry even though it's been raining on and off for days again.

Elliot turns one next week. He has grown so much and is in that inbetween stage - not a Baby anymore but not quite a Toddler. He took his first small steps last Friday and has become increasingly assertive, leaving us no doubt just what he wants at any given time.

Even though life here is challenging I am thankful for the constant reminders, even in little things, that God is here, taking care of me and has a purpose.

The Shack

Read an amazing book this past week called "The Shack". The story is horrible, not horribly written, but just sad. But the main part has given me a totally new view of God - the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. A new sense of His presence in my daily life. How everything is a gift and how everything is essentially all about relationships. Allowing him into my life and entering into a relationship with him. Which will cause all of my relationships to be transformed.

Often Christianity seems to be a lot about performing and going through certain rituals, us trying to get close to God when He's already been close all along. I think in the midst of our busyness and striving to know Him better we just miss seeing Him. Because we're looking to ourselves and what we're trying to do and accomplish, all the spiritual disciplines we are performing, the hours of Bible Study and prayer. I'm not saying that it's wrong. Maybe it's just a question of our hearts' attitude.

Anyways, I have come to a new understanding of who God is and essentially it boils down to the question: "Do I really believe Him to be who He says He is?". Because though in my head I say "yes", my life often shows that I don't . All our questions about suffering and pain, our disappointment with God at times when things are hard and not going well - all of that can be answered if I really believe who God says He is and if I enter into that relationship with Him. That won't make magically transform my life into a fairy tale of blissful happiness. But it will be easier because then I'll know I'm not alone, that He is there with me and that He can use EVERYTHING for His purposes and for His glory.

READ THE BOOK! It's worth it!

solitude

I have been thinking a lot about solitude lately. Almost every Christian "how to" book on discipleship and your personal Christian walk stresses the importance of solitude. I can't count how many times I have been challenged to incorporate solitude into my life and been given sheets of paper with a description of what to do on a personal retreat: going away by yourself for three days and two nights at least once a year to spend time in solitude. Or how many sermons and devotional talks I have heard about Jesus' prayerlife, the way he went away for hours to a solitary place to be with the Father. And I wonder - how do you do it in the real world? Did Jesus find time daily or did he have crazy days, too, on which he was grateful to snatch five minutes to pray?
As a single it was easy to withdraw on a daily basis, to find the time and the space to be still. Then I got married and my time and space was no longer my own. :) And now, with two little boys who demand my attention all day long...goodbye solitude! I often think of Susanna Wesley who would cover her head with her apron for a few minutes of stillness in the midst of caring for her family. And I wish I lived in the days when aprons were a standard part of a woman's outfit. Well, maybe not. But it is strange how my need for solitude has increased now that I have less opportunity for it.
And I am thankful for my wonderful husband who really supports me in my quest for stillness and takes care of the kids (usually during their naptimes :) ) once a week so that I can get away for a few hours. I bumped into another young mom with a 10 month old on my last "day off" whose husband is so busy that he has just 15 minutes a day to play with his son. She said she never has any free time and has to take her little guy everywhere with her. I am glad that the boys (and I) are that important to David that he intentionally makes time in his days for us. (Not saying that the other guy's family is not important to him!)
And I am grateful for those afternoons of solitude that help me refocus and reenergize me to face all the challenges and joys of motherhood. And marriage. And life in general.

elliot

Elliot has already outgrown his size 74 clothes and has moved on to size 80. I guess these are European sizes but I'm just so amazed at how he seems to grow overnight. Iwatched Dylan grow a lot more consciously - now there is a lot more to keep me busy.

But I am so thankful for both of them! :)

Well, gotta go pick up Dylan from Pre School.

early morning impressions

I'm supposed to be doing the bookkeeping but thought I would spend these moments on something more enjoyable.
This morning I went to buy some bread for breakfast and I love driving through town in the early mornings, watching people get ready for the day. Our town is gradually developing from a sleepy little place to a bustling 'city'. You see kids in their graceful school uniforms walking in little groups or riding their bikes to school. Vendors at food stalls setting out plates and dishes. Men or women just standing or squatting in front of their house watching the traffic and those passing by. A new day. It makes me happy to be here.

This is Dylan's third week in Pre School and though he didn't want to go last week he was happy to go again this morning. I'm glad he's enjoying it.

Elliot is standing more and more on his own though he's still afraid when he notices that he's not holding on to anything. And he's starting to communicate more and more, says "Brrrr" when playing with a car and yesterday I taught him to say "moo" as we have cow paintings (painted by my mom) hanging in the kids' room.

Read this this morning:
"Jesus did not come to bring peace but the sword, not nightgowns but the armor of God. The kingdom of God is not a matter of words but of power, a source of transformation and information. The spiritual life is simply life itself lived with a vision of faith. Any spirituality claiming the name Christian must resonate with the life and teaching of the Master." Brennan Manning

Simply living life itself lived with a vision of faith. So simple and yet so profound and so difficult to put into practice.

first week

Well, our first week with our new friends has been full. We ended up having to change around a lot of the schedule, due to David's new teaching schedule. Instead of five nights, he teaches one class in the morning which means that he is gone almost all day on the 3 days that he teaches. But I do prefer that over having to handle 5 nights on my own.

The boys being sick and Dylan not going to school and me having to handle a lot on my own made me wonder at times what I had gotten myself into. But now the boys are well again and the more we all settle into a routine the easier it will get.

Next week we all start with language classes and our 'normal' lives. I do hope we will get into a 'normal' life quickly as this week has been tiring and left little time for David and myself. The good thing is that they all love kids and get along well with our kids and are willing babysitters. So I'm hoping we'll get some regular date nights again.

Dylan has really hit his phase of testing his limits. His favorite word is 'No', no matter what we say and ask him to do and it's been tiring getting him ready and trying to get him to cooperate. But this too shall pass and he's still such a great guy and lots of fun.

Elliot now has 6 teeth and has developed a very strong will and temper. But he too is a sunshine and makes me laugh a lot. I love being a mom and watching them develop and being free to take it all in and really watch them grow.

Anyways, time for bed!

some pictures

Elliot with his grandmother. He really enjoyed her!

At the waterfall. The path was partly flooded cause it had been raining so hard and we had to wade through the river to get to the waterfall at the top.

Dylan's first day of school with his "school cone", a German tradition.

My mom, trying to get Elliot to smile for the photo.

changing seasons

The season here is changing from rainy season to cool and dry season and apparently this change causes fevers and colds. At least that's what our helper told me. Dylan and Elliot both have been/are sick this past week and both David and I haven't been feeling 100% well either. Last night at the fellowship many others were sniffling, too.

But not only the weather has been changing but a new season of our life here has begun as well. With all the goodbyes we have had to say to friends and to my mom who flew back to Germany last Thursday there have also been a few hellos to people that have just moved here. And tomorrow we'll be saying hello to our very first new staff/team members that will be with us for one year. A huge change for us after being here on our own for almost three years.

Dylan has begun his new season at Pre School. Letting him go that first morning was a strange feeling. My little guy has grown! But he's definitely enjoying going to school and never wants to come home. He seems so proud to be there now with his own hook for his backpack and little toothbrush.

This is a new season for me, too. The four hours that Dylan is at school in the morning give me more free time. These past weeks have been busy with my mom visiting, getting ready for our newcomers and caring for two fussy, sick boys. I've had little time to reflect or just be. But now I'm enjoying having time for a second cup of coffee, time to reflect and to read my Bible in solitude while Elliot is asleep. Without having someone crawl all over me, trying to grab my Bible from me. :) And I'm enjoying having extra time for Elliot.

These changing seasons have brought a lot of tears. It's been hard letting go. But I know there is good in it all, too. And in it all Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever.

update

I had just finished writing an update for this blog last night when we had a power cut and thus my internet connection was interrupted while uploading some photos I had added. It's all just part of living in this beautiful country!

It's been good having my mom here to visit. We've been doing some sightseeing, making good use of our new pickup truck and working on various projects.

Elliot is definitely enjoying his grandmother. Dylan is fullswing in his "terrible 2s" mode and totally ignoring all my mom wants to do with him...It's times like that you wonder what you are doing wrong as a mother but he's just a kid. But I feel sorry for her. Anyways, her main reason for coming was Elliot and even though he's in a fussy stage of teething at the moment, she's having some good times with him.

David has been busy preparing for the next semester which begins next Wednesday. I'm kind of dreading having to go back to our normal routine, especially as he probably will have to teach 2 classes this semester. That would mean 5 evenings alone with the boys. Help! But we'll manage somehow.

Since our puppy died we have taken in our puppy's father again and I'm actually enjoying Jacob. He's a lot easier to keep happy then Linus and is not as high maintenance as a puppy.

David brought some birds back with him from the capital so our zoo is growing.

Dylan starts Kindergarden, or Pre School, on Monday. Wow! I'm excited for him but also a little apprehensive. I know he'll enjoy having kids to play with but I do hope he does well and learns to play with them and share. At the moment, he's in a "that's mine" phase, grabbing everything from Elliot and also the our neighbor kids and not cooperating well. So I hope he learns quickly without too many problems.

It'll be a change for me with lots of free time at my disposal in the mornings. What will I do? I'll think of something! :)

more goodbyes

It's been an emotional week for me as the time to say goodbye to our good friends here in Laos came closer and closer. Even though I have had to say goodbye so many times throughout my life it has never gotten easier. But this time was made harder in that Dylan had to say goodbye to his friend, too. I'm not just sad for myself but for Dylan as well. I guess he will get over it fairly quickly, at least more quickly than David and I who will miss Ferrells a lot.

Now I'm glad that after a last lunch together I could finally get it over with. The saying goodbye bit. I am thankful for the time we had together although I know that some of my days will be empty now without them around.

And so I'm all the more glad that my mom is coming in just 2 days and that Dylan gets to start kindergarden soon. That will make transition a little easier.

David is in the capital this weekend, buying a car. A Toyota Pickup that will hopefully serve us a bit better than our Beijing Jeep in getting around town and this country. We are so thankful for the chance we've had of getting this vehicle!

The boys are still asleep though I'll have to go wake them if I want them to go to sleep again at a reasonable hour. We've had busy days, hanging out with our friends as they were packing up and trying to squeeze as much together time into this week as possible.

David goes back to teaching in about two weeks. We've enjoyed this school free days.

I have struggled with feeling ineffective these past few weeks, not feeling like I'm getting anywhere or accomplishing anything, not reaching the goals and dreams I had for our life here. But I've been encouraged once again reading Brennan Manning who quotes Francis of Assissi. It's not what I do or accomplish or succeed in that makes me great in any way. But I am what I am in God's sight and nothing more.

I've been reminded that I just need to be faithful in the small things. And God does all the rest.

the fransiscan way

I've been reading a book on the writings and life of Francis of Assisi and was challenged once again in the issue of simplicity. What does it truly mean to live a simple lifestyle? Simplicity is a value that I do consider to be part of my valuesystem. But in real life how can I put it into practice?

The book has challenged me to consider and make a difference between my needs and my wants. That in all things and choices that I make I pause to ask myself: "Is this something that I really need or is just something that I want?"

The same is true for apparent needs like food - food is a need but meeting that need leaves room for choice.

Talked about it with David and he set to work uncluttering our house. We have so much stuff stashed away somewhere, partly because our helper, when cleaning up, doesn't know where to put it, partly also because even though we're not using it now we might need it sometime. So we keep it. But we now have a pile of things to give away and I hope to be able to put simplicity into practice on a daily basis more and more.

We're surrounded by people who's worldly belongings all fit into a plastic bag so it shouldn't be too hard to remind myself that not all my wants are a need.

The fellowship will be meeting here in an hour and my mom surprised me last night with booking a flight to come visit us next week! Very exciting!

The boys are taking a nap and we still have time for a coffee break before our guests arrive. :)

update

Found Dylan sleeping like this one day during his naptime. :)

.FOUR THEETH!

It's been a weird week somehow and I have struggled with demotivation and feeling irritated at so many little things that make life here different and at times difficult. I have even thought longingly of Germany, something I would have never thought I would one day say.

But I'm feeling reinvigorated!

Last week, I went to visit a neighbor with my friend Beth from the US. She had met the lady before and had been invited back to learn how to weave. So I came along and we got to spin the thread of cotton onto a spool to be used for weaving. It was good to meet a neighbor and fun to learn more about one of the main handicrafts that has been passed along from one generation to the next for a long time now.

It's still raining like crazy here and I read that parts of the country are flooded and many farmers have lost their rice and corn crops. How will they get by?

Elliot's two top teeth have come through and now it almost seems as if he's showing them off, smiling and laughing and so content. It's so much fun watching him play and playing with him now, he makes me laugh a lot.

Dylan left his big business in our Asian squat toilet instead of his underwear for the first time yesterday evening and actually went to the bathroom himself for the first time today. I can't believe I'm getting THIS excited about someone else going to the bathroom but that is a milestone in a kid's (and parent's life). My little guy is really growing more and more independent with each day.

Well, not much else happening at the moment. I am thankful to be here and was reminded this morning, how we are to seek after, among other things, perseverance. I guess that's what I'm needing at this moment.

Goodbye Linus

Our 3 month old puppy Linus caught and ate a duck that made it into our yard last Thursday and somehow his intestinal system could not handle it. He got sick on Friday and got weaker and weaker, not able to keep anything inside of him and this morning I found him lying dead on the lawn.

I could never understand people who made a huge fuss over their pets and I feel silly crying over losing him but he was such a pretty little puppy and I'm sad that I won't be able to watch him grow. I actually miss him. And still feel silly for writing this. So this is goodbye Linus...

It's still raining and our lawn has turned into a swamp. Ants are everywhere and this weather seems to be sucking up all my energy. David came home from his Trekk Thursday evening and I was so glad to see him. He was a bit sick for a few days and is still not 100% well but it's still good to have him back.

Read a chapter in "The Signature of Jesus" last Friday at my coffeeshop outing. Brennan Manning writes about American culture but I guess it's applicable to many Western cultures and how this culture is contrary to the message that Jesus taught. Being a radical disciple of Jesus means to be like him, to be transformed rather than to conform, even if it means that we will be unlike the culture that we live in. Jesus' "culture" seems so easy in a way and so desirable - purity of heart, simplicity of life, obedience to the gospel, being peacemakers - and lead to the experience of real community as the early church experienced it.

It is hard to live my life based on the revelation of Jesus rather than the dogma of my culture, especially regarding simplicity of life and a radical dependence on God's providence.

Brennan Manning writes: "Naturally the countercultural lifestyle - simplicity of life, purity of heart, and obedience to the gospel - will take us to the same place that it took Jesus: the Cross. All roads lead to Calvary, for we preach Jesus Christ crucified - a stumbling block to Jews, an absurdity to Gentiles; but to those who are called, Christ the power and the wisdom of God."

When people see my life I do hope they see the evidence of Jesus in me - purity of heart, simplicity of life and obedience to the gospel.

Home alone again

David has been on his Trekk for two days now and comes back on Thursday. The boys are doing fine but I do miss him. Maybe more now because we've just come back from our time at the beach where we spent all our time together. I enjoyed that.

Anyways, I've added the photos from our vacation as a slideshow.

Last Sunday we had a guest speaker at our Fellowship who spoke, among other things, of how vital our presence in this country is. Just by being here, God's Spirit is here. We can intercede for these people like Abraham interceded for Sodom. But we have also been given a purpose, an identity and authority, just like Jesus had a purpose, identity and authority. We are the ones that God looks to here and I'm thankful for this privilege of being here and interceding for these people. I do hope and pray that my presence here will make a difference in the long run.

The boys are great! Elliot's top teeth are on the way so he has been fussy and clingy but he's still such a smiler and happy little guy. As he fell asleep in my arms just now he was laughing in his sleep. This afternoon, after Dylan woke up from his nap, we gave Linus a bath and Elliot burst out laughing when Linus jumped out of the tub and shook himself, spraying us all with water. Wish I'd filmed it, it was so funny!
Dylan's favorite phrase still is: "What's that?" and uses it to refer both to objects and people. :) It cracks me up when he says it really loudly and shrilly. "What's that?". Sometimes he answers the question himself: "That's a racecar." At dinner today he was playing with a yard stick that you can pull out and which rolls up again when you push a button and he said: "Wow, that's really cool!" Today I've noticed several things that he said in imitation of me so we really have to start to be extra careful with what we say.

Fun day!

Vacation

We just got back today from our vacation at the Beach. Just wanted to post some photos before I head for bed. It was great to just do nothing, hang out, read, and spend time as a family. The boys enjoyed the sand although Elliot took a while to feel comfortable in the ocean. And Dylan had fun with some of the other kids.

Elliot in the backpack. We took a few bikerides which was fun!

Beautiful sunsets, so great to be back at the ocean and feel the breeze.

Our relaxed time at the beach reminded me why I love David so much - his exuberance and joy and the fun times we can have! He's a great Dad and the boys had LOTS of quality time with him this week!

But coming home is just as good! Every time we fly into our town and I look out the window and see the green hills and mountains, the road winding its way through scattered villages and rice paddies dominating large areas of the landscape I'm just so thankful to live here and long to make a difference!

Monday David leaves for a four day Trekk while I'm home with the boys. Still have lots to prepare for the newcomers joining us in September!

But for now, I'm holding on to my vacation feeling and will head off to bed!

An Elelephant

Went to visit "an Elelephant", as Dylan calls them, last week with David's English Class. I didn't really get to see them cause my group was too slow getting from the boat to the elephants but at least we got to go on the boat which Elliot loved as well.

Amber and Dylan, not quite sure what to think of the elephant.

Dylan making new friends.

Who's the man? I'm the man! What's up?

Mealtimes 2

The things you do as a parent!

Where's Elliot?

There he is!

Mealtimes

What I love about living here is that there is an amazing array of fruits to be sampled: here is Elliot having just eaten red Dragon Fruit!

What's even better is having a helper who cuts up the fruit for us every day and arranges it on a plate for lunch! Dylan loves that, too!

New tastes!

Mango!

The Beach

Tomorrow at 6 am we leave our house and catch the flight to Bangkok at 8am. We should arrive before 10 am and then either we'll take the train or a public van to Prachuap, South of Bangkok. We have about 5 days at the beach before heading back to Bangkok.
I'm looking forward to this trip. This is our first real family vacation so it's doubly exciting!

Yesterday we met with a French lady who opened up a Montessori Kindergarden here and Dylan will begin attending the Kindergarden from September 1st onward. I can't believe he's already so big! I've been looking through old photos for his Scrapbook and it just amazes me to see how he's grown and changed in just such a short time. And now it's a first step to releasing him into more independence. Got all teary-eyed when it suddenly struck me that this is real...Hey, it's just Kindergarden!
I know he'll love it! He's been a bit bored, I think, because it's been raining almost continously so the neighborhood kids haven't been around to play much. And his other Expat friend has been out of town and busy so he's had to hang out with us all the time. So Kindergarden with lots of kids to play with will be great!

But first it's time for The Beach! I'll ride a wave for you!

thankful

Spent some time reading at my coffeeshop this afternoon after I put the boys down for their naps and David got home from his last day of Summer School! Wahoo!
My Online Bible Course at the moment is on the Gospel and how it is the whole Gospel for my whole life, from beginning to end. It doesn't just apply to my first time decision to follow Jesus but it is still relevant to my journey of faith today.
The Cross plays a central role in it all. The crucified Christ - the Son of God who loves me and gave himself for me. How amazing.
Read Brennan Manning's book "The Signature of Jesus" and he too writes about the Cross and how to be a radical disciple means to live the kind of life that Jesus lived, who chose the Cross. And at the same time knowing that our roots, our identity, do not depend on our popularity, success or possessions but in knowing that we are loved.
"Yet to the extent that we embrace the truth that our core identity is not rooted in our success in ministry or in our popularity with kids and parents or with power in the local church, but in the passionate, pursuing, infinite - what G.K. Chesterton called the "furious" love of God embodied in his crucified Son - to that degree we can let go of our need to judge our friends, spouses, children, pastors, gays, straights, Asians, Caucasians, and the sin-scarred wino on the street. We can be free from the need to judge others by claiming for ourselves the truth, "I am the disciple whom Jesus loves." (Brennan Manning, The Signature of Jesus)

I am thankful for the reminder of what it's really all about, what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. A reminder of the price that Jesus paid, something I take for granted most of the time. It's so easy for me to get caught up in my own little world, my own needs and wants and desires, my own little problems. So I'm thankful for this shift in perspective. And am thankful to be here and to be invited to participate in all that He is doing. Even here.

amazing

Elliot is now crawling around the room and we have to start Baby proofing our house again. He can also sit up on his own. Learned it all in the last few days. It keeps astounding me how much these little guys learn and accomplish in the first year. They say that you will never again learn as much in the same space of time.
Kind of depressing! :)
I enjoy watching Dylan and Elliot learn on a daily basis, just by being kids and doing the stuff that kids do.

Today is David's last day of Summer School. Then we are free till September, at least free from teaching. We still have a lot to do otherwise. Next week we'll be flying to Thailand, for shopping, doctor's visits and some time at the beach. Looking forward to that.

some pictures

Dylan playing with his cars, one of his favorite things to do. We drew some roads and lakes and rivers onto a piece of scrap wood and he loves it! :) He's pretty good at playing by himself and it's fun to watch him play and hear the 'stories' he makes up.

If you look closely you can see Elliot's first two teeth! He has not been sleeping well and taking real short naps during the day since he can crawl. I think he just wants to practise all the time now that he's mobile.

Both Dylan and Elliot move around a lot during their sleep. It's funny to see where and how they end up in.

Spaghetti - Dylan loves eating Spaghetti now, sometimes he actually prefers it over rice.

Grief

I've been griefing for close friends whose fifth pregnancy ended prematurely yesterday. They have been longing for a child for so long now and yet something goes wrong each time. It makes me so angry at God, so helpless, unable to understand and fathom what He has in mind with this - creating life just to take it from us again.
My friends want nothing else than finally have a Baby to complete their family. And here, abortions are common and just as many Babies are abandoned or simply thrown away at birth. How do you come to grips with that?
I still vividly remember losing our first Baby at 10 weeks. Miscarriages are common and occur with every 3rd pregnancy, statistically. Or so I read after I had been told by my doctor that I had miscarried the Baby. It's so hard to lose a child that you await expectantly. It's something that you just never expect.
Since then I have grappled and struggled with God and still have not come to terms with Him on this issue. It seems so pointless, like a bad joke.

Today I read the chapter on "The Authority of God's word" for my online Bible College course (www.onlinebiblecollege.com - recommendable!) and it says:
"Establishing the authority of God's Word is not merely an interesting theological exercise. It has a direct bearing on your life. This is because the Bible doesn't just demand your intellectual allegiance to its authority; it demands your obedience. ...Verbally acknowledging the authority of Jesus' lordship means nothing if we don't obey him. In the same way, the proof of our acknowledgement of the Bible's authority is not in our words but in our actions. It is in the doing, not the hearing."
I remember reading "Cat and Dog Theology" after my miscarriage, a book that reminded me, once again, that God is great and way beyond my understanding. That's the truth and the reality, that's part of who God is. If I believe in God, if I choose to follow Him, then I have to be obedient even in those times that I just don't understand. I have to acknowledge that He is still Lord, even in this and in the midst of the grief and pain that just seems so unnecessary.
I am still sad and angry and still have not learned to just accept that this is life in all its fullness. But still I am called to obey and He is still Lord.

I just love these guys

Elliot after his bath
Dylan with paint in his face
David acting cool
If you look closely, you'll see Elliot's first tooth. Wahoo, congratulations, Elliot! :)

changes

Elliot has two teeth now and is basically crawling at 71/2 months. I can't believe how fast these months have gone by! I do remember that Dylan's first year just seemed to race by but now with two little guys to fill my days it's gone by so much more quickly. I am so glad to have this privilege of seeing them every day, all day long and watching them grow and learn.

These last few days have been a bit lonely but I guess everyone gets lonely once in a while, right? With David gone almost all day and not many people around that we have built real friendships with yet there's no one to really keep me company, except for Dylan and Elliot of course. Every once in a while it will get to me, this consistent stream of people coming and going. And it's been like that almost my whole life already. Which hasn't helped me form many real friendships. Anyway, I've felt a bit lonely. But I'm o.k. now. I have a new friend with a little son who comes by every few days to hang out and I do enjoy that. And this evening we got to hang out with some other friends whose son is just a few months older than Dylan. So he enjoyed that, too.

Went for a walk around town with David's English class this afternoon. It was good to get out and I realized again just how beautiful this place is that we call home. Met some little girls, one of them was walking around with her mom, collecting plastic bottles to sell. Her mom looked old enough to be her grandmother, thin and worn out. A bit dazed, too, squatting there in front of us, not speaking, just watching. What can we do to bring transformation into lives like these?

family

My men: Dylan, David and Elliot. All wearing "adventure hats" as a friend called the hat he gave to David for our recent adventurous trip to Xieng Khouang. It took 6 hours to drive the 400 km along mountain ridges on the windy road that connects the Luang Prabang and Xieng Khouang Provinces. This country is so amazingly beautiful and diverse. I think I will never get enough of the view you have from these mountain ridges into deep valleys, across to more mountains, covered with lush, green jungle. Amazing.
The road cuts through numerous villages and it is just such a different world. You see little kids taking care of their younger siblings, carrying wood and water, helping out with different household chores. And people just sitting around, doing nothing all day, spending time with their neighbors. Not, because they're lazy but just because that's what life is like in the village, when the weather is cold and rainy and there's not much else to do but hang around. It's a kind of life that is so foreign to me and I couldn't imagine living the way the majority of people in this ocuntry live.

We spent two nights at the house of friends who happen to have two boys as well, both of them a month younger than our boys. Funny! It's been so interesting to see the different personalities of our kids, to see it come out even in 6 and 7 month old Babies.

This morning we left at 5 am and arrived back home around 11.30am. Theoretically, the kids were meant to doze off again and sleep through half the journey but somehow that didn't really work.

In spite of the challenges of living here I am so thankful to be here. What a privilege!
Here's a happy picture of Dylan. Most of the time he's not very cooperative when it comes to taking his picture. Even though he's a happy and easygoing little guy most of the time, he definitely has a more serious and careful side to him than his brother. He can be whiny but then again, so can I, and I guess everybody has whiny days. It's just interesting to see the differences though. Dylan has always woken up crying and still does. He rarely stays in bed after waking up and plays happily till we come for him but usually sits in bed crying and takes at least half an hour till he's really awake and happy.
But he's a great kid and I love him a lot.
Here's my little guy, Elliot. I thought Dylan was an easy Baby and he was but Elliot is even easier. He smiles and laughs a lot and is a very content Baby except for those moments when he's discontent. Then he's VERY disconent! :)
Elliot rarely wakes up crying but will often just lie in his crib, talking to himself and playing with his stuffed animals and blankets. Such a difference.
He, too, is a great kid and I love him a lot. And enjoy watching the two interact and play together more and more.

What a privilege to be their mom. They drive me crazy at times but I wouldn't want to miss it!