Through the calm and through the storm

We've been enjoying a few days off. Drove down South on Monday and crossed the border and are staying at a nice family friendly resort with pool. And doing a lot of shopping! Our main reason for coming was to bring down the huge amount of excess luggage which our Korean friends had to leave behind when they flew down here. So now all they have is here and they are all set to leave for Canada next week. It's been good to spend some more time with them before they head to the other side of the world.

We also went for another check up at the hospital and are glad that all is well with Baby. This is the first time we actually know WHAT we're expecting before the Baby is born but will keep it a secret from the rest of the world, at least for now. :)

This is my belly with and without Elliot just last week at almost 27 weeks...


It's been good to get away for a while. These past few weeks Dylan has not wanted to go to Pre School as both of his friends left the country at the end of last month. And now he misses them and doesn't want to go to school but prefers to be home and play with his brother. Sometimes his favorite teacher Sukim can get him to go in but on the days when she hasn't been around I've just taken him back home again because I couldn't stand the thought of forcing him to be somewhere he just doesn't want to be.

Living overseas I knew this would be an issue but I wasn't anticipating it to be so early on. I didn't expect that he would have to say goodbye to so many friends by the time he turns 3. Or that it would hit me so hard as well. But seeing him so lonely has been hard for me. A lot of the tears I have shed I blame on the pregnancy hormones that have taken over but some of the grief I feel I probably feel as much for myself as for Dylan. Looking back I have felt lonely most of my life and I hate that we have put Dylan into the same position by the life we have chosen.

But storms and difficult times are all part of life and "I can see a light at the end for the heart that holds on".

As we have thought and talked about how to handle this situation and weighed our options - keeping him at home at least till Elliot is old enough for Pre School, just teaching them both at home already, hiring someone else to teach them,.... - I've just been overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness. Not knowing what the best decision is and not having someone older and wiser and who has been through these choices to ask for advice has been hard. Last Fall we were at a conference and one of the seminar leaders said that God loves our children so much more than we ever could and so I hold on to that thought and hope that Dylan will get through this storm and be stronger for it. And I hope I will survive as well!

what can happen in the space of three years

Dylan is three years and three months old now and has been challenging in many ways. His favorite response is "No" to everything we want him to do (except when it comes to eating ice cream), his favorite toy is whatever Elliot is playing with at any given time of the day and he loves doing what we explicitly told him NOT to do just seconds before.

Friends of ours had a Baby boy three months ago and he is the most content and happiest little guy I have ever met - smiling and cooing and just delightful! But then, that's what people used to say about Dylan when he was just three months old, too. I still remember those days when he was happy and content and smiled a lot and I look at him now - a little man with a very strong will and who knows exactly what he wants and who really tests my patience on some days.

I must admit I've lost my temper a lot in the last few weeks and I always regret it right afterwards - or, at the latest, once I see Dylan sleeping peacefully in his bed after a long and trying day. But inbetween there are good days and many little things that remind me of why I love this kid.

And I do love him to pieces! No matter how often he brings out the worst in me.

It's been a good picture of how God loves me - no matter how trying I am, no matter how often I lose my cool, no matter how many mistakes I make, he still loves me faithfully and never loses his temper. And I never bring out the worst in him because he is only good and there is no evil in him. How amazing is that!

And so I strive to cherish even this season with Dylan because it IS just a season and will pass all too quickly. And with the help of my perfect Father I hope and pray that Dylan will look back on this time in his life and remember only happy days!