Grief

I've been griefing for close friends whose fifth pregnancy ended prematurely yesterday. They have been longing for a child for so long now and yet something goes wrong each time. It makes me so angry at God, so helpless, unable to understand and fathom what He has in mind with this - creating life just to take it from us again.
My friends want nothing else than finally have a Baby to complete their family. And here, abortions are common and just as many Babies are abandoned or simply thrown away at birth. How do you come to grips with that?
I still vividly remember losing our first Baby at 10 weeks. Miscarriages are common and occur with every 3rd pregnancy, statistically. Or so I read after I had been told by my doctor that I had miscarried the Baby. It's so hard to lose a child that you await expectantly. It's something that you just never expect.
Since then I have grappled and struggled with God and still have not come to terms with Him on this issue. It seems so pointless, like a bad joke.

Today I read the chapter on "The Authority of God's word" for my online Bible College course (www.onlinebiblecollege.com - recommendable!) and it says:
"Establishing the authority of God's Word is not merely an interesting theological exercise. It has a direct bearing on your life. This is because the Bible doesn't just demand your intellectual allegiance to its authority; it demands your obedience. ...Verbally acknowledging the authority of Jesus' lordship means nothing if we don't obey him. In the same way, the proof of our acknowledgement of the Bible's authority is not in our words but in our actions. It is in the doing, not the hearing."
I remember reading "Cat and Dog Theology" after my miscarriage, a book that reminded me, once again, that God is great and way beyond my understanding. That's the truth and the reality, that's part of who God is. If I believe in God, if I choose to follow Him, then I have to be obedient even in those times that I just don't understand. I have to acknowledge that He is still Lord, even in this and in the midst of the grief and pain that just seems so unnecessary.
I am still sad and angry and still have not learned to just accept that this is life in all its fullness. But still I am called to obey and He is still Lord.