thankful

Spent some time reading at my coffeeshop this afternoon after I put the boys down for their naps and David got home from his last day of Summer School! Wahoo!
My Online Bible Course at the moment is on the Gospel and how it is the whole Gospel for my whole life, from beginning to end. It doesn't just apply to my first time decision to follow Jesus but it is still relevant to my journey of faith today.
The Cross plays a central role in it all. The crucified Christ - the Son of God who loves me and gave himself for me. How amazing.
Read Brennan Manning's book "The Signature of Jesus" and he too writes about the Cross and how to be a radical disciple means to live the kind of life that Jesus lived, who chose the Cross. And at the same time knowing that our roots, our identity, do not depend on our popularity, success or possessions but in knowing that we are loved.
"Yet to the extent that we embrace the truth that our core identity is not rooted in our success in ministry or in our popularity with kids and parents or with power in the local church, but in the passionate, pursuing, infinite - what G.K. Chesterton called the "furious" love of God embodied in his crucified Son - to that degree we can let go of our need to judge our friends, spouses, children, pastors, gays, straights, Asians, Caucasians, and the sin-scarred wino on the street. We can be free from the need to judge others by claiming for ourselves the truth, "I am the disciple whom Jesus loves." (Brennan Manning, The Signature of Jesus)

I am thankful for the reminder of what it's really all about, what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. A reminder of the price that Jesus paid, something I take for granted most of the time. It's so easy for me to get caught up in my own little world, my own needs and wants and desires, my own little problems. So I'm thankful for this shift in perspective. And am thankful to be here and to be invited to participate in all that He is doing. Even here.

amazing

Elliot is now crawling around the room and we have to start Baby proofing our house again. He can also sit up on his own. Learned it all in the last few days. It keeps astounding me how much these little guys learn and accomplish in the first year. They say that you will never again learn as much in the same space of time.
Kind of depressing! :)
I enjoy watching Dylan and Elliot learn on a daily basis, just by being kids and doing the stuff that kids do.

Today is David's last day of Summer School. Then we are free till September, at least free from teaching. We still have a lot to do otherwise. Next week we'll be flying to Thailand, for shopping, doctor's visits and some time at the beach. Looking forward to that.

some pictures

Dylan playing with his cars, one of his favorite things to do. We drew some roads and lakes and rivers onto a piece of scrap wood and he loves it! :) He's pretty good at playing by himself and it's fun to watch him play and hear the 'stories' he makes up.

If you look closely you can see Elliot's first two teeth! He has not been sleeping well and taking real short naps during the day since he can crawl. I think he just wants to practise all the time now that he's mobile.

Both Dylan and Elliot move around a lot during their sleep. It's funny to see where and how they end up in.

Spaghetti - Dylan loves eating Spaghetti now, sometimes he actually prefers it over rice.

Grief

I've been griefing for close friends whose fifth pregnancy ended prematurely yesterday. They have been longing for a child for so long now and yet something goes wrong each time. It makes me so angry at God, so helpless, unable to understand and fathom what He has in mind with this - creating life just to take it from us again.
My friends want nothing else than finally have a Baby to complete their family. And here, abortions are common and just as many Babies are abandoned or simply thrown away at birth. How do you come to grips with that?
I still vividly remember losing our first Baby at 10 weeks. Miscarriages are common and occur with every 3rd pregnancy, statistically. Or so I read after I had been told by my doctor that I had miscarried the Baby. It's so hard to lose a child that you await expectantly. It's something that you just never expect.
Since then I have grappled and struggled with God and still have not come to terms with Him on this issue. It seems so pointless, like a bad joke.

Today I read the chapter on "The Authority of God's word" for my online Bible College course (www.onlinebiblecollege.com - recommendable!) and it says:
"Establishing the authority of God's Word is not merely an interesting theological exercise. It has a direct bearing on your life. This is because the Bible doesn't just demand your intellectual allegiance to its authority; it demands your obedience. ...Verbally acknowledging the authority of Jesus' lordship means nothing if we don't obey him. In the same way, the proof of our acknowledgement of the Bible's authority is not in our words but in our actions. It is in the doing, not the hearing."
I remember reading "Cat and Dog Theology" after my miscarriage, a book that reminded me, once again, that God is great and way beyond my understanding. That's the truth and the reality, that's part of who God is. If I believe in God, if I choose to follow Him, then I have to be obedient even in those times that I just don't understand. I have to acknowledge that He is still Lord, even in this and in the midst of the grief and pain that just seems so unnecessary.
I am still sad and angry and still have not learned to just accept that this is life in all its fullness. But still I am called to obey and He is still Lord.

I just love these guys

Elliot after his bath
Dylan with paint in his face
David acting cool
If you look closely, you'll see Elliot's first tooth. Wahoo, congratulations, Elliot! :)

changes

Elliot has two teeth now and is basically crawling at 71/2 months. I can't believe how fast these months have gone by! I do remember that Dylan's first year just seemed to race by but now with two little guys to fill my days it's gone by so much more quickly. I am so glad to have this privilege of seeing them every day, all day long and watching them grow and learn.

These last few days have been a bit lonely but I guess everyone gets lonely once in a while, right? With David gone almost all day and not many people around that we have built real friendships with yet there's no one to really keep me company, except for Dylan and Elliot of course. Every once in a while it will get to me, this consistent stream of people coming and going. And it's been like that almost my whole life already. Which hasn't helped me form many real friendships. Anyway, I've felt a bit lonely. But I'm o.k. now. I have a new friend with a little son who comes by every few days to hang out and I do enjoy that. And this evening we got to hang out with some other friends whose son is just a few months older than Dylan. So he enjoyed that, too.

Went for a walk around town with David's English class this afternoon. It was good to get out and I realized again just how beautiful this place is that we call home. Met some little girls, one of them was walking around with her mom, collecting plastic bottles to sell. Her mom looked old enough to be her grandmother, thin and worn out. A bit dazed, too, squatting there in front of us, not speaking, just watching. What can we do to bring transformation into lives like these?

family

My men: Dylan, David and Elliot. All wearing "adventure hats" as a friend called the hat he gave to David for our recent adventurous trip to Xieng Khouang. It took 6 hours to drive the 400 km along mountain ridges on the windy road that connects the Luang Prabang and Xieng Khouang Provinces. This country is so amazingly beautiful and diverse. I think I will never get enough of the view you have from these mountain ridges into deep valleys, across to more mountains, covered with lush, green jungle. Amazing.
The road cuts through numerous villages and it is just such a different world. You see little kids taking care of their younger siblings, carrying wood and water, helping out with different household chores. And people just sitting around, doing nothing all day, spending time with their neighbors. Not, because they're lazy but just because that's what life is like in the village, when the weather is cold and rainy and there's not much else to do but hang around. It's a kind of life that is so foreign to me and I couldn't imagine living the way the majority of people in this ocuntry live.

We spent two nights at the house of friends who happen to have two boys as well, both of them a month younger than our boys. Funny! It's been so interesting to see the different personalities of our kids, to see it come out even in 6 and 7 month old Babies.

This morning we left at 5 am and arrived back home around 11.30am. Theoretically, the kids were meant to doze off again and sleep through half the journey but somehow that didn't really work.

In spite of the challenges of living here I am so thankful to be here. What a privilege!
Here's a happy picture of Dylan. Most of the time he's not very cooperative when it comes to taking his picture. Even though he's a happy and easygoing little guy most of the time, he definitely has a more serious and careful side to him than his brother. He can be whiny but then again, so can I, and I guess everybody has whiny days. It's just interesting to see the differences though. Dylan has always woken up crying and still does. He rarely stays in bed after waking up and plays happily till we come for him but usually sits in bed crying and takes at least half an hour till he's really awake and happy.
But he's a great kid and I love him a lot.
Here's my little guy, Elliot. I thought Dylan was an easy Baby and he was but Elliot is even easier. He smiles and laughs a lot and is a very content Baby except for those moments when he's discontent. Then he's VERY disconent! :)
Elliot rarely wakes up crying but will often just lie in his crib, talking to himself and playing with his stuffed animals and blankets. Such a difference.
He, too, is a great kid and I love him a lot. And enjoy watching the two interact and play together more and more.

What a privilege to be their mom. They drive me crazy at times but I wouldn't want to miss it!