'Many Christians remain afraid, for they still cling to an idea of God very different from that preached by Jesus. They remain in Haran with their old belief system intact. They believe they can save themselves by holding still and not breathing or by embarking on fasts, vigils, or heroic enterprises, hoping to coax approbation from God.
Again and again Jesus stated that fear is the enemy of life.
"Don't be afraid; just believe" (Luke 8:50)
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom" (Luke 12:32)
"Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid" (Matthew 14:27)
Fear breeds a deadening caution, a holding back, a stagnant waiting until people no longer can recall what they are waiting for or saving themselves for. When we fear failure more than we love life; when we are dominated by thoughts of what we might have been rather than by thoughts of what we might become; when we are haunted by the disparity between our ideal self and our real self; when we are tormented by guilt, shame, remorse, and self - condemnation, we deny our faith in the God of love. God calls us to break camp, abandon the comfort and security of the status quo, and embark in perilous freedom on the journey to a new Canaan. But when we procrastinate out of fear, this represents not only a decision to remain in Haran, but also a lack of trust.' (Brennan Manning - The Signature of Jesus, 1988)
These words spoke to me on a number of levels and subjects and here is a very short run - down on all that I have been pondering these last few months:
1. One of the more recent books I have enjoyed reading with my kids is 'Maybe you should fly a jet! Maybe you should be a vet' by Dr. Seuss. A delightful book about work and what we make it. It caused me to travel down memory lane, back to being a kid when the whole world lay at my feet and opportunities were endless. I still had the ultimate freedom of choice to be whoever and whatever I wanted to be. Growing into adolesence, this freedom was somewhat daunting and I remember agonizing at times about what I should be doing with my life, wondering what my gifts were and where I was headed. The thought that I have just this one life and I didn't want to mess it up was boiling just below the surface. At the same time, I could not wait (on just a few days) to finally be the adult version of me and be where I thought I should be heading.
Now I sometimes look back on my life, wondering if I made the right choices. Would I be who I am today if I could do it all over again? Maybe I should have become a vet?
Now I'm a homeschooling mom, something I never thought I would be, but I'm loving it. And I keep reminding myself that my life is not yet over. I still have any number of years to 'become'. Maybe even a vet. I am thankful for the choices I made, the life experiences I have. I could have done without some of them and regret a few but ultimately they all served to shape me into me.
I do not want thoughts of what I might have been stand in the way of who I might still become. I want to be a lifelong learner, always pressing on, but embracing Today and being content with the Now.
2. I love that Jesus is Immanuel - God with us. To SHOW us dimwitted, stubborn, restricted humans who God is. Because even then, we still cannot fathom just who and what and how God is. And I love that Jesus came for freedom. Freedom from guilt, shame, remorse and self - condemnation. Freedom from restrictions we put upon ourselves. Freedom from belief systems that limit us and put us in our place. Freedom from ourselves, when we stand in our own way.
Last year, one of the big topics up for discussion in our small foreign Sunday evening fellowship was the role of women, specifically when it comes to teaching on a Sunday night (aka preaching, holding the sermon). The camps were not as divided as I had expected but I talked this over pretty intently with a friend of mine whose husband is a strong advocate of one of these camps and I was deeply troubled at how we allow society and other people's expectations and interpretations and thoughts deny us women (in this case) of the total freedom that Jesus came and died for.
Jesus came so that we might LIVE and be free. This freedom entails many different things for different people and I am not saying that everyone has to believe IT the way I do. But we must never allow anyone to rob us of the freedom that Christ gave. I know I'm treading on thin ice so I will leave it at that.
3. Not too long ago, I mentioned to someone that I haven't had my 'Quiet Time' in over a year. With four samll people in the house it's been hard for me to find that perfect time when I can fit it into my schedule and at times I have just been too tired (or distracted by the endless world of blogs, ahem) to 'have my Quiet Time'. Whatever that means.
But I have found God to be so full of grace and love that He still bends down and meets me where I'm at in this season of life. I read snatches of Scripture every now and then, sometimes in passing and am encouraged. I read snatches of books (while rocking the littlest person to sleep) and am challenged. I'm prompted to pray for someone while doing the dishes. And mostly, I have poured out my frustration and thoughts to Him in silent prayers when I have been overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and crabiness or feeling like I'm a total failure and have no impact on my world while doing the dishes or taking care of laundry.
I feel like God has really met me on a deeper level in this past year even though I have hardly cracked open a Bible. And at the same time He has given me a real hunger for his word, to really dig in deep again (which I will hopefully do once this season does not involve too many very small people (and we're getting there)).
God is not restricted by my belief system and cannot be coaxed by my super holy lifestyle of daily Quiet Times. All He really wants is a relationship and I think I've finally grasped what that truly means (for me) in this past year.
And no, I was not successful in my attempt to rock Alana to sleep. My wonderful husband came to my rescue and got her down within minutes...
P.S. The Signature of Jesus - a highly recommended must - read as are all books by Brennan Manning.
(Just my humble opinion).
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