give me your fish

We recently started the habit of reading the Bible together as a family at breakfast each morning. And even though neither David nor I are a Finisher/Completer (looking at team roles) I am really happy that we have continued to do so for quite a while (compared to our other attempts at regular activities).

So far, we have been reading Egermeier's Bible Story Book (part of Dylan's curriculum) and I have really enjoyed reading stories I am familiar with in a new way.

Last week, we read about the feeding of the 5.000 and it struck me that among all those people only one boy had a lunch on him. Where were all the moms with snacks in their diaper bags? Or men on their way to work with their packed lunches? Or children with the lunch sacks their parents or grandparents had handed to them?

I do believe that the disciples, busy as they were with crowd control and learning from their Master, did not have the time or energy to buy food for themselves. But I do find it extremely hard to believe that among 5.000 people only one kid had food with him.

So I wonder - maybe others had food but did not think to bring it to Jesus. Maybe they thought it was too insignificant, most certainly not enough to feed the huge crowd that had gathered. Maybe they weren't even thinking about food or expecting Jesus to feed them. Or maybe they were thinking about food and seeing all those people around them without food were waiting for the perfect chance to sneak off and eat their lunch without having to share.

We are not told if others had brought food with them but the Gospels do record the disciples saying that it was time for the crowd to disperse and take care of their own meal.

Rereading the four different accounts I do think that the disciples were probably the ones who were starving. And tired. And just needed a break. It sounds to me like something I would say. 'Come on, Jesus. It's dinner time. It's been a full day. Let's call it a night. Send them home, we're really hungry and just want to have some peace and quiet.'

I wonder why Jesus asks the disciples to feed the 5.000 people surrounding them. Is it to teach the disciples to just get over themselves, to not focus on their own needs?

Interestingly, only the Gospel of John records that it was a boy who brought his lunch to the disciples.
Faith like a child. Confidence like a child. Trust like a child. This is why we are meant to be like the children.

For most of the 7 years we have spent here I have felt insignificant. I've asked myself and God what my purpose is. Or rather his purpose in bringing me here. I feel like I've had no impact on those around me and that it doesn't really matter if I'm here or there or anywhere.

Reading this story last week really hit home for me. I wonder if Jesus put on this this whole show just to honor this child's faith and generosity. Because Jesus most certainly knew that this boy was going to come and bring his bread and fish. He knew that this child somehow believed that his food would make a difference. He was not too shy or embarrassed. He did not think that he would have to give something big or great. He just gave what he had.

I think this has been a continual struggle and continual lesson for me. I would love to have amazing stories to tell of all the great things I have accomplished. For God, of course, but I gave or did this 'big thing'. When all Jesus is asking of me is to love him enough and trust him enough with what I have to give, as insignificant as that might seem to me. And so I've been learning for the past 7 years (some people just take a lot longer) and still am learning to just enjoy where I'm at in life and to trust him to do the big things. To give him what I have and am (which at the moment means being a full time mom and wife, because that is all I have energy for). Because I will have amazing stories to tell. Only they will be about all the great things Jesus did.

 P.S. Egermeier Bible Story Book - another great read I recommend to all! :) The little people as well as the big people.