Reflections of my life

I am always utterly astounded at the immense amount of wisdom and knowledge that is available to me at the click of a button via the internet. I seriously have a hard time remembering how I did it prior to www. Now, whenever I need help figuring out how many cups is one stick of butter or want to take a tour of the Forbidden City or am curious about what Oregon looks like I google it. Need a pritable form that I don't want to design myself? I google it. If I'm looking for ideas on how to entertain my wild child (aka Ayden) while I do school with the big boys I google it. And within seconds (or minutes, depending on my internet connection) I know.

What I love the most is stumbling upon someone's personal blog. I love reading about other peoples' lives. I'll have no idea who they are but often, after browsing through their blog, it almost feels like I know them personally. And sometimes, if it's an especially good read, I'll return to it regularly and it begins to feel more and more like I am visiting with an old friend. I cannot count the times I have been encouraged and challenged by a stranger's story. Life here can be a bit lonely at times but then I'll read about someone else's struggles or joys or heartaches and it reminds me that I am not alone in what I might be struggling with. Or reminds me of countless blessings that I can be thankful for.

Yet, in spite of how much I love the internet, it also makes me sad to think that I feel closer to complete strangers than to those around me. Or that our mailbox stays empty for the most part because everyone resorts to e-cards and e-mails (including me). It's made it easier and harder to stay in touch.

When I think back on how much time I spent writing letters and the joy that the process of using a pen and moving my hands to put words on paper gave me I regret that progress and convenience has taken all that from me. Knowing that a friend was eagerly anticipating a letter from me, taking time to read it and savor it and then responding in the same fashion - so much more intense and intentional, it seems, than clicking away on a keyboard staring at a computer screen.

So as this year draws to a close and I reflect on all I have experienced this year and the whirlwind pace at which things have happened, I want to add more moments of peace and quietness and reflection to my life. But instead of spending those rare quiet moments in front of my computer screen reading about a stranger's life, I want to be writing letters. On paper. To real people that I actually know personally. I want to refocus on relationships I have in real life, no matter how many oceans away these friends may now be. I want to be using my address book again and updating it and want to plan ahead so that real birthday cards will reach the right mailbox in ample time. At least that's the plan for now. We'll see what I say at the end of next year.

more pictures

He was soooo excited about this gift!

The whole gang at breakfast

We had pancakes - his favorite!

happy birthday elliot!

Typical Elliot smile

All dressed up for action on a recent rainy day

Taking Alana for a ride

Little watermelon plants

Being silly

My little man turned 4 in November! It has been such fun to see his personality blossom in the past year. He has learned to be more assertive ('I'm talking right now, Dylan, and you keep interrupting!') - very much needed with his super - talker, active older brother and has turned into quite a talker himself.

I have tended to kind of put the two of them (Dylan and Elliot that is) into the same pot, treating them more or less the same and expecting the same from both of them. This year has been a time of learning for me, too, and I've been reminded that every child (even mine) is different and unique and I have deliberately kept an eye out for that uniqueness in Elliot this past year. And I love what I have discovered.

Although gifted with stubborness just like every other member of this family, he has a sweet and caring heart and is the most likely to be found playing with Alana or wrestling with Ayden. He is artistic. loves taking pictures and is extremely observant of all that is happening around him as well as of details in pictures. He enjoys music and singing and books and has a knack for words, has picked up reading faster than Dylan and likes using scissors and glue.

Elliot loves our pets and helps me feed them and take care of them. He is also the first to volunteer to help me when it comes to baking and gardening. His latest project was planting some water melon seeds and I am so thrilled at how well they are growing.

Most of all he loves to make us laugh, has a great sense of humor and enjoys clowning around.

I love how he watches out for his siblings, love his tender and sensitive heart (that I tend to overlook at times) and love that he is part of our family!

Happy birthday, Elliot! I love you and am so proud to be your mom!

happy half - birthday, alana

I can't believe our little girl is 61/2 months old already! It blows my mind to see how much they grow and change in just 6 months from a tiny newborn - so dependent on you and vulnerable - to this little bundle of personality and energy who can sit and crawl and lifts your spirits with her exuberant, glowing smile!

Having all boys was fun and special but adding this little girl to our family has been amazing and I thank God for giving us a daughter and sister! I love how much the boys adore her and dote on her and am so blessed to have her in my life!

happy birthday, ayden!

Our little adventurer turned two on September 8th and this year celebrating his life was extra special considering that we almost lost him just days before. And all due to him biting his tongue. It seemed like just a little thing then but turned into a life threatening situation within 24 h.

I will never forget holding Ayden's limp little body in my arms, all color drained from him. David took him across the border and to the hospital and I staid home with the others, going about my daily business but also just waiting for that phonecall from David, telling me he didn't make it.

I have never been so scared in my life and yet I also recall this feeling of calm that kept a lid on the panic wanting to overwhelm me. I opened my Bible and read the first verses that popped into sight and they were from Psalms 42 and 43:

'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.'

And I realized there was nothing I could do but put my hope in God, the one who created Ayden and who already has all the days of Ayden's life written in his book.

After a trip to the emergency room, blood transfusions and surgery we were happy to come again on his birthday and I am so incredibly thankful that he is doing so well and that we get to spend more days with him!

Ayden is full of personality, fun - loving, curious, an explorer who loves his brothers and wants to do everything they do and adores his little sister, always asking to hold her. He enjoys observing all that goes on around him, loves cars and being outside and always wants to come along for the ride whenever David or I have errands to run.

He has a special sense of humor and loves to make us laugh and he gives the best hugs in the whole world. I hope and pray I will be the lucky recipient of those great hugs for many years to come and that he'll never be too cool to hug his mom!

Happy birthday, Ayden! I'm so glad that you are a part of my life!

brothers

The brothers and the sister

Brotherly love

Science Fun: Erupting volcanoes

Had a classic conversation with Dylan recently while driving in our brand new-to-us van:

D: 'When I grow up I want to be a scientist and study the insides of wheels and tires. And I will still live with you and in Laos. But I will drive my own car. I will buy another car.'

M: 'How are you going to buy that car?'

D:'I'll use your money.'

M:'And when you get married, will your wife live with us too?'

D: 'I don't want to marry anyone.'

M: 'But don't you want to get married and have kids?'

D: 'Hm, I know, Alana and Ayden can be my kids.'

M: 'But they will be big then, too.'

D: 'But I'm bigger than them.'

M: 'Yes, but they don't stop growing bigger. They get bigger just like you.'

D: 'Oh. Actually, I don't want any children.'

M: 'Why not? Too much work?'

D: 'Yeah, I have other stuff to do. I don't want to get married and have kids. And actually I'll live in a different house.'

M: 'All by yourselfs?'

D. 'No, I'll ask Elliot if he wants to live with me.

(Turns around to face Elliot)

Elliot, do you want to be a scientist and study the inside of wheels and tires when you grow big?'

E: 'Yeah'

D: 'And do you want to live with me in a different house?'

E: 'Yes'

D: (facing me again) 'Elliot wants to live with me.'

M: 'Well good, then that's settled. I'm glad you won't be all by yourself.'

D: 'Actually, even when we're by ourself, God is still with us.'

I love the relationship the boys have with each other - sure they fight and argue but essentially they love each other, love spending time together and look out for each other.

I so hope and pray that it will last their whole lives and that they will continue to be close, no matter what life throws at them.

Introducing Alana

Finally home and fast asleep again.

Sleeping in the rack of the luggage cart at the airport.

Her first bed - a cardboard box in my parents' house.

She slept well in it though.

It's been two months now since Alana joined our lives! I am thrilled to be the mom of this little girl and she delights me already in so many ways.

I love the way she smacks her lips after nursing, the way she plays with her hands, her little smile that she is showing more and more often, the way she kicks her legs and observes everything with her big brown eyes. I love the tuft of hair that sticks up on the top of her head and hearing her gurgle and 'talk'. And I love watching her many facial expressions.

She's a reason to be thankful. I am thankful for the way the boys adore her and love to hold her and play with her. I am thankful for another healthy baby. And I'm thankful for our family and that we can live here.

At the same time a new little person in the house does force me to slow down and learn to juggle everyone and everything all over again. These last few days I've been poring over different weekly planner pages, trying to figure out which one is the perfect one for us and our situation. Boy, there are so many free versions to choose from! It inspires me to read about how others do it and organize their days. We've never been a very organized family that thrives on a set schedule but it does help me now when I'm feeling a tad bit overwhelmed to at least pretend that we will follow the schedule once I've figured it out. :)

Another, more unlikely, source of inspiration has been the TV Series 'Parenthood'. David and I have watched the first two seasons now and I truly hope that our kids will be that close when they are adults and look back on a fairly happy childhood. And remember lots of fun times with their parents in spite of our many imperfections and failures. But I guess what counts is unconditional love, honesty, warmth and the ability to admit our failures - more so than an organized home and schedule. Wouldn't you agree?

So, here's to our daughter Alana Keziah Youko Asia! Welcome to our chaotic family! You make our lives richer and more colorful!