One of my favorite stories in one of the kids' schoolbooks is "A chair for my mother" by Vera B. Williams. It's the story of a girl who lives in an apartment with her mom and grandmother. But the apartment burns down in a fire and they lose everything. Eventually, they move into a new apartment and at that point the whole neighborhood and family rallies around and everyone brings something for the new apartment: a kitchen table and chairs, a bed, some homemade curtains, some pots and pans. The only thing they are still wanting is a nice, comfortable chair and so they save all their coins in a big jar until they finally have enough and can go out and buy a new chair.
I love the part when everyone contributes what they can to furnish the new apartment, showing their love to this family who has lost everything. It's a beautiful picture of natural generosity and sharing that comes out of love.
It feels so good when we can give to others, even if it is out of the excess that we have. The Bible also speaks of the blessings that come when we give cheerfully and generously, not expecting to receive anything in return.
In recent weeks though I have been thinking more about receiving than giving. Ever since we moved here almost five years ago we have been on the receiving end, dependent on the generosity of others who give towards our living expenses. We've never had too much but we've also never really had too little. We've been able to live comfortably although we have always had to borrow money from others (mostly my Dad) when larger amounts (plane tickets to Germany or yearly rents) were due.
But life here has gotten more expensive and it's been getting more challenging for us to make ends meet. And now we're at a point where we owe money to a number of people (not my favorite place to be in) and we have realized that something needs to change in order for us to be able to stay here.
It's been stressful to be in this situation - never having enough to even pay our bills (we're hoping we can pay our electricity bill before they turn off the electricity...:)), having to really evaluate which expense is more important and necessary and having to borrow money for so many things and not being able to pay those debts back.
BUT being in this place has given me a deeper understanding of poverty. I'm not saying we are poor, because we're far from living in poverty! Yet struggling financially has shown me what life must be like, to a much more drastic extent, for those who are really in need. You can get by as long as life just stays within a certain parameter. But as soon as there's a crisis (illness, hospitalization, death) or a need (like building a house or buying a motorbike for work reasons) it can throw you off course. Because you have to borrow money which needs to be repaid which means you won't have enough money to save or live on until that debt is paid. Which often leads to more debt...
I "know" that the poor are not lazy or stupid. But I must say that I have sometimes judged some of them for the seemingly unwise choices they make: like splurging on a TV or other seemingly frivolous items as soon as they have some cash on hand (one of the first things we did when our money came in at the beginning of this month was go out to eat). Or selling household items far too cheaply and hastily just to have some cash on hand (haven't done that yet but we have considered selling our truck). Or constantly taking on new loans which takes them a step back each time instead of a step forward. Or selling their child into slavery so that they can feed the other children.
Now I finally understand that they often just don't have a choice. That in their circumstance they are taking the only road they see. That they are stuck in a cycle that is extremely hard to break. And that someone can be so desperate they see no other way out than to do the unthinkable.
We are far from being in that place. We still have a choice and we still have people who can bail us out. It's uncomfortable to always be at the receiving end of generosity. It's humbling. And there are many days when I wish I could do this on my own, not needing the support and help of others. But I guess it's just one more of those life lessons that God has given me to teach me that he created us not for independence but for interdependence. We need him and we need each other. And it's o.k. to need somebody cause we all need somebody to lean on!
I am so thankful for the many who give generously and faithfully and make it possible for us to be here. And I hope that their giving will be a blessing to them. And that I will be a good steward and a good receiver of their gift.
So if you are one of those who give - THANK YOU!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
greatness
We have been in our new home for almost a month now! Our last days and weeks in our old home passed in a whirlwind and I was so glad when everything was finally packed and we got into our truck for the long trip down, happy knowing I would not have to make the return trip anytime soon! :) And it's not because I don't like the trip or driving up North, it's just a VERY LONG drive to make with three wriggly boys to entertain!
Life in the big city has been, hm, interesting. The heat and the traffic caught us off guard and it's amazing how much this city has changed in the years that we lived upcountry. It almost seems like an entirely different country.
Last week we had ice cream at an ice cream parlor, a common franchise in the neighboring country and was astounded at how packed the place was with locals! What a huge contrast to the people living in remote villages! There is a lot of wealth here in the city, an emerging youth culture and it just changes a nation in so many ways.
And I do miss the simplicity of our former life. Sure, we were lonely at times but all the options here are a bit overwhelming. There are playgroups, Bible studies, swimming classes, horseback riding and numerous other activities that could fill my calendar up really quickly! But I really want to invest myself and my time into the right activities so I'm kind of taking it slowly. I want our kids to know that we don't just live here because we love the country and people (which we do) but because ultimately we long for many of our friends and neighbors to meet our Father. So I am hesitant because I don't want us to end up being so busy enjoying an activity filled life that we won't have time to share Life anymore.
Moving always opens up new doors and windows of opportunity. It's a chance to redefine who you are and what you do and what you focus on. And so since moving here I have been thinking a lot about what opportunities I would like to make the most of. I have been trying to define what I am really passionate about and have found this to be an extremely difficult task. But I do know I am passionate about books and reading and so one of my new year goals has been to read at least one non-fiction book per month. Today I finished the second book of the year so I am way behind but both books have really challenged me in different ways and so I wanted to savor them.
This morning I finished reading 'The Irresistible Revolution' by Shane Claiborne. His vision of community and gentle revolution of love to change society has been sweet to read and though I've often had to smile (somewhat condescendigly I suppose) at his frequent usage of the word 'beautiful' and his almost naive approach to changing his neighborhood through sidewalk chalk, balloon animals and playing in water hydrants there is something in his writings that makes me want to believe that it is really THAT simple to love and share life and transform society. I often asked myself how I could make it work here (balloons definitely work to brighten up peoples' lives here) and in my life. I long to leave an impact, long to make a difference and I long for greatness, to do something so amazing that it will inspire people and make them want to write my life story! But then I came to the second to last chapter and a quote from Mother Teresa, one of my personal heroes, challenged my perspective: "We can do not great things, only small things with great love. It is not how much you do but how much love you put into doing it."
I've also been reading 'Heaven's Heroes' by David Shibley, a collection of short biographies of cross cultural workers, written for kids. As I read these life stories I'm amazed at the level of commitment that these individuals had and the great things they ended up doing, so great that their stories have been written down numerous times by a variety of people. But then it hit me that in their lifetime they did not seek greatness. All they wanted was to follow Jesus and to be faithful, to do the task he gave them well. They did whatever God asked them to do, and many times these things did seem to be small. But they did them with great love for those around them and so they ended up doing great things. I wonder if they realized in their lifetime how great those things really were.
And so once again I need to choose to follow Jesus today, to do small things with great love and to seek not the approval and admiration of men and women but the approval of Jesus so that one day I will hear Him say: "Well done, good and faithful servant".
Life in the big city has been, hm, interesting. The heat and the traffic caught us off guard and it's amazing how much this city has changed in the years that we lived upcountry. It almost seems like an entirely different country.
Last week we had ice cream at an ice cream parlor, a common franchise in the neighboring country and was astounded at how packed the place was with locals! What a huge contrast to the people living in remote villages! There is a lot of wealth here in the city, an emerging youth culture and it just changes a nation in so many ways.
And I do miss the simplicity of our former life. Sure, we were lonely at times but all the options here are a bit overwhelming. There are playgroups, Bible studies, swimming classes, horseback riding and numerous other activities that could fill my calendar up really quickly! But I really want to invest myself and my time into the right activities so I'm kind of taking it slowly. I want our kids to know that we don't just live here because we love the country and people (which we do) but because ultimately we long for many of our friends and neighbors to meet our Father. So I am hesitant because I don't want us to end up being so busy enjoying an activity filled life that we won't have time to share Life anymore.
Moving always opens up new doors and windows of opportunity. It's a chance to redefine who you are and what you do and what you focus on. And so since moving here I have been thinking a lot about what opportunities I would like to make the most of. I have been trying to define what I am really passionate about and have found this to be an extremely difficult task. But I do know I am passionate about books and reading and so one of my new year goals has been to read at least one non-fiction book per month. Today I finished the second book of the year so I am way behind but both books have really challenged me in different ways and so I wanted to savor them.
This morning I finished reading 'The Irresistible Revolution' by Shane Claiborne. His vision of community and gentle revolution of love to change society has been sweet to read and though I've often had to smile (somewhat condescendigly I suppose) at his frequent usage of the word 'beautiful' and his almost naive approach to changing his neighborhood through sidewalk chalk, balloon animals and playing in water hydrants there is something in his writings that makes me want to believe that it is really THAT simple to love and share life and transform society. I often asked myself how I could make it work here (balloons definitely work to brighten up peoples' lives here) and in my life. I long to leave an impact, long to make a difference and I long for greatness, to do something so amazing that it will inspire people and make them want to write my life story! But then I came to the second to last chapter and a quote from Mother Teresa, one of my personal heroes, challenged my perspective: "We can do not great things, only small things with great love. It is not how much you do but how much love you put into doing it."
I've also been reading 'Heaven's Heroes' by David Shibley, a collection of short biographies of cross cultural workers, written for kids. As I read these life stories I'm amazed at the level of commitment that these individuals had and the great things they ended up doing, so great that their stories have been written down numerous times by a variety of people. But then it hit me that in their lifetime they did not seek greatness. All they wanted was to follow Jesus and to be faithful, to do the task he gave them well. They did whatever God asked them to do, and many times these things did seem to be small. But they did them with great love for those around them and so they ended up doing great things. I wonder if they realized in their lifetime how great those things really were.
And so once again I need to choose to follow Jesus today, to do small things with great love and to seek not the approval and admiration of men and women but the approval of Jesus so that one day I will hear Him say: "Well done, good and faithful servant".
Saturday, March 27, 2010
correction
I realized I made a mistake concerning the number of homes we have lived in so far: It will actually be Dylan's 4th home, Elliot's 3rd and Ayden's 2nd!
Friday, March 26, 2010
surreal
NOTE: I began writing this post about 3 weeks ago!
It feels so surreal that Friday next week we will wake up back in the capital. I can't believe this chapter of our lives is closing rapidly and it makes me feel all sentimental. So I thought I'd share some of my realities to ward off the sentimental!
A year ago, Dylan was attending the local Pre School but for various reasons we weren't always too happy with him going. And as the year progressed and Dylan started wanting to stay home instead of going we decided to take the plunge and give homeschooling a try (as much as you can homeSCHOOL Pre School! :)).
Now I must confess that I have always harbored a huge prejudice towards homeschooling and thought it was just plain weird. In Germany it is illegal to homeschool your child and if a child repeatedly fails to appear in school the police will actually show up at your front door and escort said child to class. So homeschooling was foreign to me until I met various citizens of the USA who had been homeschooled. And when I discovered huge gaps (or at least they seemed like huge gaps to me) in their general knowledge I assumed (being all wise and knowledgeable) that this was due to them not attending a 'normal' school and missing out on all the wisdom real teachers should have imparted on them (or is it to them?).
Anyways, to make a long story short, I thought homeschooling resulted in awkward, uneducated and ill adjusted individuals who had been raised in a Christian bubble and knew nothing of the world (because of course all homeschoolers are Christians, or so I thought).
But then we were faced with the decision what to do about schooling (albeit a bit sooner than I had anticipated) and homeschooling quickly turned out to be the best solution. And so I dived into researching different options and curricula and finally settled on Sonlight.
When we arrived in Germany the boxes and books were waiting for us and so our own homeschooling journey began.
Since then I have had a change of heart and attitude and been confronted with my own prejudices and most importantly pride - being proud of our education system (which I am realizing is not so great after all) and of being well - educated (how do you measure that anyway?). And I have discovered that essentially I have harbored a secret unadmitted fascination with homeschooling that I tried to cover (Why?).
Thinking back on the people I know who were homeschooled I have come to see that they are not ill - adjusted, weird adults who live in a Christian bubble but fantastic individuals who are firmly rooted and secure in their own identity. They may be different but they are not afraid to admit that.
I enjoy this special time with Dylan immensely. It's amazing to watch him learn and discover and to be a part of it all, not just an observer. I love knowing what story he is reenacting or what book he is talking about, love being able to integrate teaching and learning into every aspect of our daily life. And I love being the one who is spending the most time with him each day. I never really understood how vulnerable kids are at this age and how much they soak up everything around them until we had kids. Now it makes so much sense to me to have them home at this stage in their lives, to be the ones influencing them and passing on values, thus giving them a firm foundation on which to develop and grow as an individual. I hope that these years will help to give all three boys a deep understanding of how much they are loved, not just by us but by our Father and that this will contribute to a sense of worth and self - esteem that will remain unfazed by whatever life throws at them. I pray that they will grow to be caring, passionate, different, unique individuals who know who they are and who rejoice in being different.
And so our journey of learning continues!
It feels so surreal that Friday next week we will wake up back in the capital. I can't believe this chapter of our lives is closing rapidly and it makes me feel all sentimental. So I thought I'd share some of my realities to ward off the sentimental!
A year ago, Dylan was attending the local Pre School but for various reasons we weren't always too happy with him going. And as the year progressed and Dylan started wanting to stay home instead of going we decided to take the plunge and give homeschooling a try (as much as you can homeSCHOOL Pre School! :)).
Now I must confess that I have always harbored a huge prejudice towards homeschooling and thought it was just plain weird. In Germany it is illegal to homeschool your child and if a child repeatedly fails to appear in school the police will actually show up at your front door and escort said child to class. So homeschooling was foreign to me until I met various citizens of the USA who had been homeschooled. And when I discovered huge gaps (or at least they seemed like huge gaps to me) in their general knowledge I assumed (being all wise and knowledgeable) that this was due to them not attending a 'normal' school and missing out on all the wisdom real teachers should have imparted on them (or is it to them?).
Anyways, to make a long story short, I thought homeschooling resulted in awkward, uneducated and ill adjusted individuals who had been raised in a Christian bubble and knew nothing of the world (because of course all homeschoolers are Christians, or so I thought).
But then we were faced with the decision what to do about schooling (albeit a bit sooner than I had anticipated) and homeschooling quickly turned out to be the best solution. And so I dived into researching different options and curricula and finally settled on Sonlight.
When we arrived in Germany the boxes and books were waiting for us and so our own homeschooling journey began.
Since then I have had a change of heart and attitude and been confronted with my own prejudices and most importantly pride - being proud of our education system (which I am realizing is not so great after all) and of being well - educated (how do you measure that anyway?). And I have discovered that essentially I have harbored a secret unadmitted fascination with homeschooling that I tried to cover (Why?).
Thinking back on the people I know who were homeschooled I have come to see that they are not ill - adjusted, weird adults who live in a Christian bubble but fantastic individuals who are firmly rooted and secure in their own identity. They may be different but they are not afraid to admit that.
I enjoy this special time with Dylan immensely. It's amazing to watch him learn and discover and to be a part of it all, not just an observer. I love knowing what story he is reenacting or what book he is talking about, love being able to integrate teaching and learning into every aspect of our daily life. And I love being the one who is spending the most time with him each day. I never really understood how vulnerable kids are at this age and how much they soak up everything around them until we had kids. Now it makes so much sense to me to have them home at this stage in their lives, to be the ones influencing them and passing on values, thus giving them a firm foundation on which to develop and grow as an individual. I hope that these years will help to give all three boys a deep understanding of how much they are loved, not just by us but by our Father and that this will contribute to a sense of worth and self - esteem that will remain unfazed by whatever life throws at them. I pray that they will grow to be caring, passionate, different, unique individuals who know who they are and who rejoice in being different.
And so our journey of learning continues!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
closure
March ushered in the burning part of the slash and burn agriculture that is practised here and for days the sky was hazy, daylight eerie and the sun blocked from view. It always felt like the day was almost over, even at 10 am, just because the haze was so thick it totally covered the blueness of the sky and light of the sun.
Everything is dry and dusty and brown and hot. Yet into this dusty-brown dryness bursts of color and fragance have arrived as the fragipani trees and orchids are blooming! Isn't it amazing the way God planned these plants to flourish just when we need to see something fresh and beautiful the most? I LOVE frangipani trees - their simple yet elegant flowers, the sweet yet strong fragrance. And most amazing of all - you can just cut off the branch of a frangipani tree and replant it (just the way it is) and it apparently always starts to bloom again. Which is what seems to have happended with a frangipani branch that was planted in our yard. This year it suddenly bloomed and it is my first time to see bright pink frangipani flowers instead of the usual white ones. Beautiful! No wonder the frangipani is the national flower here!
Now the mango flower showers have set in and washed away some of the haze. The light is brighter and today I actually saw flecks of blue sky. And the grass in our yard is soft and green again instead of prickly and brown. The difference rain can make! Maybe that is why God allows rain and storms and dark clouds in our lives - to help us not to take the green grass for granted.
We have been busy packing up our life here in this house and town and preparing to move to the capital city. I just realized yesterday that this is the place David and I have so far lived the longest since we got married almost 6 years ago. We will have lived here for 3 years and 4 months and maybe that is why it is so hard for me to leave. It feels like home.
And yet it was hard to be here. But since we have made the decision to move on all of the challenges and difficulties seem to have disappeared and all I can think about is how much I love living here and how much I will miss it. It's strange how we often only recall all the good things about something or someone when it's time to say goodbye...
David is gone this week (7 whole days!!!) at a conference so it's up to me to keep the boys happy and pack up the house. Which leaves me little time to get sentimental and ponder on how our lives will change. If anything I am very much looking forward to being able to settle again and upack the boxes and our belongings. And I am looking forward to a new start. Change is always exciting and invigorating and energizing. But part of me is getting tired of constant change. Our next house will be the 5th house of our married life, Dylan's 3rd and Elliot and Ayden's 2nd home (not counting the home we have in Germany) and - I can't believe I'm actually saying this - I'm longing for some permanence. I will most likely feel different once everything is unpacked but for now permanence sounds kind of nice.
But I am thankful for the 3 years we had here, the friendships we have built, the feeling of home, the difficult times that have taught me much, the beauty around me that has refreshed my soul and caused me to look to the Creator. And, applying all that I have learned about frangipani trees, I will strive to bloom where God is planting me next.
Everything is dry and dusty and brown and hot. Yet into this dusty-brown dryness bursts of color and fragance have arrived as the fragipani trees and orchids are blooming! Isn't it amazing the way God planned these plants to flourish just when we need to see something fresh and beautiful the most? I LOVE frangipani trees - their simple yet elegant flowers, the sweet yet strong fragrance. And most amazing of all - you can just cut off the branch of a frangipani tree and replant it (just the way it is) and it apparently always starts to bloom again. Which is what seems to have happended with a frangipani branch that was planted in our yard. This year it suddenly bloomed and it is my first time to see bright pink frangipani flowers instead of the usual white ones. Beautiful! No wonder the frangipani is the national flower here!
Now the mango flower showers have set in and washed away some of the haze. The light is brighter and today I actually saw flecks of blue sky. And the grass in our yard is soft and green again instead of prickly and brown. The difference rain can make! Maybe that is why God allows rain and storms and dark clouds in our lives - to help us not to take the green grass for granted.
We have been busy packing up our life here in this house and town and preparing to move to the capital city. I just realized yesterday that this is the place David and I have so far lived the longest since we got married almost 6 years ago. We will have lived here for 3 years and 4 months and maybe that is why it is so hard for me to leave. It feels like home.
And yet it was hard to be here. But since we have made the decision to move on all of the challenges and difficulties seem to have disappeared and all I can think about is how much I love living here and how much I will miss it. It's strange how we often only recall all the good things about something or someone when it's time to say goodbye...
David is gone this week (7 whole days!!!) at a conference so it's up to me to keep the boys happy and pack up the house. Which leaves me little time to get sentimental and ponder on how our lives will change. If anything I am very much looking forward to being able to settle again and upack the boxes and our belongings. And I am looking forward to a new start. Change is always exciting and invigorating and energizing. But part of me is getting tired of constant change. Our next house will be the 5th house of our married life, Dylan's 3rd and Elliot and Ayden's 2nd home (not counting the home we have in Germany) and - I can't believe I'm actually saying this - I'm longing for some permanence. I will most likely feel different once everything is unpacked but for now permanence sounds kind of nice.
But I am thankful for the 3 years we had here, the friendships we have built, the feeling of home, the difficult times that have taught me much, the beauty around me that has refreshed my soul and caused me to look to the Creator. And, applying all that I have learned about frangipani trees, I will strive to bloom where God is planting me next.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
more pictures
I'm four!
And I'm five months old! (well, almost 6 months now)
One of my good friends had fun with Elliot at the waterfall
Grilling the fish
Oh, fish!
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