generosity

One of my favorite stories in one of the kids' schoolbooks is "A chair for my mother" by Vera B. Williams. It's the story of a girl who lives in an apartment with her mom and grandmother. But the apartment burns down in a fire and they lose everything. Eventually, they move into a new apartment and at that point the whole neighborhood and family rallies around and everyone brings something for the new apartment: a kitchen table and chairs, a bed, some homemade curtains, some pots and pans. The only thing they are still wanting is a nice, comfortable chair and so they save all their coins in a big jar until they finally have enough and can go out and buy a new chair.

I love the part when everyone contributes what they can to furnish the new apartment, showing their love to this family who has lost everything. It's a beautiful picture of natural generosity and sharing that comes out of love.

It feels so good when we can give to others, even if it is out of the excess that we have. The Bible also speaks of the blessings that come when we give cheerfully and generously, not expecting to receive anything in return.

In recent weeks though I have been thinking more about receiving than giving. Ever since we moved here almost five years ago we have been on the receiving end, dependent on the generosity of others who give towards our living expenses. We've never had too much but we've also never really had too little. We've been able to live comfortably although we have always had to borrow money from others (mostly my Dad) when larger amounts (plane tickets to Germany or yearly rents) were due.

But life here has gotten more expensive and it's been getting more challenging for us to make ends meet. And now we're at a point where we owe money to a number of people (not my favorite place to be in) and we have realized that something needs to change in order for us to be able to stay here.

It's been stressful to be in this situation - never having enough to even pay our bills (we're hoping we can pay our electricity bill before they turn off the electricity...:)), having to really evaluate which expense is more important and necessary and having to borrow money for so many things and not being able to pay those debts back.

BUT being in this place has given me a deeper understanding of poverty. I'm not saying we are poor, because we're far from living in poverty! Yet struggling financially has shown me what life must be like, to a much more drastic extent, for those who are really in need. You can get by as long as life just stays within a certain parameter. But as soon as there's a crisis (illness, hospitalization, death) or a need (like building a house or buying a motorbike for work reasons) it can throw you off course. Because you have to borrow money which needs to be repaid which means you won't have enough money to save or live on until that debt is paid. Which often leads to more debt...

I "know" that the poor are not lazy or stupid. But I must say that I have sometimes judged some of them for the seemingly unwise choices they make: like splurging on a TV or other seemingly frivolous items as soon as they have some cash on hand (one of the first things we did when our money came in at the beginning of this month was go out to eat). Or selling household items far too cheaply and hastily just to have some cash on hand (haven't done that yet but we have considered selling our truck). Or constantly taking on new loans which takes them a step back each time instead of a step forward. Or selling their child into slavery so that they can feed the other children.

Now I finally understand that they often just don't have a choice. That in their circumstance they are taking the only road they see. That they are stuck in a cycle that is extremely hard to break. And that someone can be so desperate they see no other way out than to do the unthinkable.

We are far from being in that place. We still have a choice and we still have people who can bail us out. It's uncomfortable to always be at the receiving end of generosity. It's humbling. And there are many days when I wish I could do this on my own, not needing the support and help of others. But I guess it's just one more of those life lessons that God has given me to teach me that he created us not for independence but for interdependence. We need him and we need each other. And it's o.k. to need somebody cause we all need somebody to lean on!

I am so thankful for the many who give generously and faithfully and make it possible for us to be here. And I hope that their giving will be a blessing to them. And that I will be a good steward and a good receiver of their gift.

So if you are one of those who give - THANK YOU!