Psalm 31:15

Most people think I'm very laid - backed and relaxed but I think it's just because I'm pretty private when it comes to my feelings and thoughts about personal stuff. I totally enjoy heated discussions about general topics but my personal life I tend to keep to myself and I've had to learn to at least share some of it with David. It does not come natural to me. But boy, if I would start sharing ALL of it, it would take all day, every day and well, there are so many other things to talk about and such little time as is...

But here is a tiny fraction of some of the things racing through my head on any given day (you do know that women have a spaghetti brain, right?): I have noticed in recent weeks that I tend to worry a lot more than most people probably expect. I worry about a lot of things.

At the moment, I worry mostly about this Baby that I am carrying. Is she doing o.k.? Will she do o.k. till the end? And what does it mean to have a daughter?

At the beginning of each pregnancy, I count the days till I pass the 12 week mark as that's when most miscarriages occur. Then I can't wait till I can finally feel the Baby move on a regular basis. And then I think, o.k. just make it another 20 weeks or so and everything will be o.k. But even once a Baby is born, any number of things can go wrong - sickness, an accident...We have no guarantee in life.

And in one of those moments of worry I remembered: 'My times are in your hand.'

The same goes for our future which seems so uncertain to me at this stage. We don't know if we will be able to raise all the funds we need to continue living here. What will we do if we end up having to leave? Where would we live? What kind of work would we do? I keep telling myself that this is a bridge we will cross if that time should come. For now I am reminded: My times are in your hand.

It has been such a huge comfort to me to know that God is in control and already KNOWS all that will be. To know that my times are in his hand and that no matter what happens he will still be God, he'll still be with me and he'll still be trustworthy. Not all of life will be sunshiney, that's all I know. But I can be at peace because my times are in his hands.